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04 July 2006 @ 03:00 pm
What do we fear?  
So today is the 4th of July, and I feel bland at the moment. I'm browsing through all the songs I have on my mom's laptop, and they're taking me back into the days. The memories that I can't seem to forget about. They're the good and the bad, the happy and the sad. All of them just seem to collide into the other like they don't mean a thing.

I've slept in numerous hours and I feel weak still. I can't eat right, even when I'm hungry I can't eat without feeling sick. So I went overboard last night and I feel like my gut can just explode. My dog is old and yet I don't want to put her to sleep. And when I watch her, I realize she's a fighter. She's strong and will fight the heart murmurs she has, the ear infection which could've been fatal if we didn't take her to the vet when we did. The thought of losing something that has brought so much light into the darkness of my life is scaring me now. I don't want to lose that treasure so quickly.

For two years...soon to be three...she's been there like a thorn in my side but I love her all the same.

So I once asked myself: What do we fear?
-The death of a loved one?
-Realizing that love blinds you from everything?
-Falling in love with someone you'll never be with?
-Leaving the nest when it's time altough you don't want to leave?
-Friends going their ways and will eventually not keep in contact?

One day these will all come into the light without regret or sorrow trailing behind me. I don't want to think about what the future can hold, there's so much negativity to it all and I despise it for making me so self-conscious of what can happen. Just live in the now and not the future. The future creates when you design that path.

I'm content, lost, and all the in betweens that keep me sane.

Good afternoon to a beautiful summer day.

And happy 4th of July to all.
Current Mood: thankful
Current Music: Se7en - One Time One More Time
Kender: 神経がワレル暑い夜 \\ アイジkenderkin88 on July 5th, 2006 04:02 am (UTC)
I love you, Kimmy. ♥ I hope everything turns out alright.